


I Love you and it Hurts

by hikari_yuma



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 30 Day Haikyuu!! Writing Challenge, Day 3, Drunken Confessions, M/M, SOME OISUGA ANGST, here, i'm so sorry suga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 07:44:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3642285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikari_yuma/pseuds/hikari_yuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In where Tooru is drunk and Suga has to make a decision that hurts too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love you and it Hurts

“Don’t you understand?!” Oikawa hissed, shoving you back harshly.

It was only too easy to see that he was drunk. His hair was a mess, the brown tresses all over the place, and not in the usual style he wore his hair in. His mahogany-hued eyes were glazed and unfocused,   and his words, while filled with anger, were slurred. You took a few tremulous steps backwards, eyes wide in shock, and that was when your back hit the wall.

“Oikawa…” No. Not Oikawa. “ _Tooru._ ” You’d seen him drunk before – but those rare few times had been a polar opposite experience to this. When Oikawa was tipsy, it was like his usual façade doubled. He was flirtier than usual, was loud and boisterous and leaned all over everyone – he was outgoing and loose with his cash, and one time you’d found him lying on a park bench outside a club at 2am singing ‘Old Macdonald had a farm’ at the top of his lungs (this had been at his 21st, and even _you’d_ gotten a bit tipsy then). But this…now…he was different. You’d never seen him anything remotely similar to violent and yet –

“You just don’t see.” He stumbled forwards and you wondered if he’d throw a punch at you, but then he simply crumpled against you, drained. In all honesty, you’d never really seen too many people drunk. But from what you’d learned from various sources in high school, people that intoxicated were prone to mood swings, heightened, uncontrollable emotions, and the like. You were confused as hell but it was clear he needed you right now, so you wrapped your arms around your friend, whispering pointless reassurance that you could only hope would help. “You just…don’t see.” The brunette in your arms hiccupped. You were glad that he hadn’t pushed you away, and maybe he was starting to calm down. Next you had to get him home, and make sure he slept…

“Are you going to be alright?” You whispered. Honestly, you didn’t need an answer. You were going to make sure that he _was_ going to be alright, after all. You resisted the urge to lift your hand and rake it through your tousled silver locks – something that you did when you were restless, or deep in thought. You just wanted to get out of the dingy supply closet (how the two of you had ended up there was a whole other story), you wanted Tooru to go back to being sober, you wished you hadn’t seen this drunken, angry side of him. But you forced yourself to stay put, even just a little longer, wrinkling your nose at the stale scent of alcohol on his breath.

“Mmm…Koushi.” The murmur caught you off guard – you hadn’t been expecting your first name, after all. Barely anyone used it, outside of your family. “I really…I really like you…just thought…y’know…I should tell ya.” The words were muffled and barely audible but they made your stomach twist.

“Tooru?” That’s right. His first name was bound to grab at least some of his attention. “You can’t be serious.” He was _drunk_ , after all…But it didn’t stop your treacherous heartbeat from speeding up, and it didn’t stop your stomach from twisting into knots, with what felt like butterflies dancing through your lungs. “Right?” You whispered, mostly to yourself. You’d hoped – no, you’d _wanted_ something like this for so long, you’d imagined it, you’d wished over and over that just _once_ you could have a chance with him, but now that it was actually happening you wanted to push him aside and run out of the room.

“No…’m not…I love you, Kou…a lot.” But the words _hurt_ , in a way, because if they were real, then it’d taken a great deal of alcohol for Oikawa to actually say them. And if he only said them because he was drunk, then there was no point hoping.

“Let’s get you home, Tooru.” Your voice was strained, and you tried to avoid looking at him. What were you thinking, anyway? He was your friend. Your _friend_. He was such a good one, too, and you were trying to ruin it by being selfish and hoping for something more.

“But I love –“

“No, you don’t.” You snapped, immediately regretting how harsh you sounded. “You don’t – you _can’t_.” You forced your tone to be softer, gentler, despite how much the words tore at you when you forced them out of your throat. “You’re drunk, after all.” As you pushed him upright, putting one of his arms around your shoulders so that he could lean on you as you tried to walk out of the door, you laughed. It was high-pitched and bitter and unnatural. “That’s right.” You spat. “You’re drunk and I was a fool to even _think_ about believing you.”

~~~

You never brought it up. Neither did he. But every so often you’d catch his eye and your stomach would twist when he smiled at you. Because even then – even after you’d told yourself to forget it – you couldn’t help but remember those drunken words.

_“…I love you, Kou…a lot.”_

“I love you too.” You’d whisper at 1am, plagued by ugly thoughts that dragged you down into someplace dark. “I love you and it hurts and I hate myself for it.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SO SORRY I PLANNED FOR A HAPPY ENDING BUT THEN  
> THAT WENT OUT OF THE WINDOW  
> Anyway, hopefully this was somewhat good! Thanks for reading :3c


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